Well, Happy April’s Fools Day dear ones. I meant to send this a few weeks ago and then life just kept happening. I used get these out to you every full and new moon. I’m letting go of that and just sending these out when they’re ready.
Welcome to those you who are new and looking for out of the box ways of dealing with grief and trauma.
My life has felt like a cruel April fool’s joke since January… I’ll share why, then share the wisdom it’s teaching me, and then share some new exciting offerings.
I’ve started the Somatic Experiencing training! I’m looking forward to bringing you more tools to befriend grief and how to support your body and nervous system. It all happens in our amazing bodies and the more support we can get, the better off we’ll be especially as the world we live in seems to be getting more and more complex. We’re in an overload of collective grief right now. I went to my first training session in beautiful Bozeman, Montana at the beginning of January and at the very tail end of this, my back went out AND my flight home was cancelled AND I had an awful allergic reaction to the pain killers I took. I have never experienced this kind of back pain before. I now have much more compassion for those of us that deal with chronic pain. When I finally arrived home, a huge project was underway that needed my immediate attention. We were in the process of mold remediation in our home. I had to move out of my personal space while my back was out. I called on our caregivers to help me. I was humbled…I couldn’t even tie my shoes. Now I know what it feels like for my quadriplegic partner Michael – ALL – THE – TIME. Thankfully, he is able to stay in our home while the mold remediation is done. I’m staying in various places-with friends, housesitting for neighbors, sleeping on our living room couch or in the back of my car. (Don’t worry, I have a comfy cool car camping set up). I’m grateful for all these situations. I’m displaced and while it’s hard, it isn’t nearly as hard as it is for many people all over the planet. I cannot help but think of all of those displaced in Palestine right now. I continue to pray and call for a permanent ceasefire. I also think of my ancestors who’ve been displaced. We’ve been here before and survived-I’m their living testament of that. As an animist, someone who believes everything is animated with energy, I’m getting curious about mold. What is it teaching us? Is there a message for humans? How long has mold been around on the planet? Is there more mold now than seventy-five years ago? Here’s what I discovered: Mold is a superpower. Mold spores can be dormant for centuries and then if it’s given moisture and a food source it will grow again. They found it in King Tuts tomb and it started to grow! Mold moves slow but it destroys more raw material than fires and termites combined every year! There has been an increase in mold since the 1940’s when drywall was created to help the housing boom. Mold has a voracious appetite for paper. So drywall is the perfect food for mold-it’s gypsum and other materials layered between two large pieces of paper. There’s so much more I could tell you about mold. But want to focus as to why I think this may be valuable to you. Michael and I do shamanic journeying together and we’ve been journeying to mold. (A shamanic journey uses a simple drumbeat to induce a trancelike state, then we connect to images and messages from Spirit and our other guides).
Here’s what we discovered: Mold is calling us to bring the world back into Balance. BALANCE. BALANCE. Mold is asking us to slow down. G O S L O W. Mold demands that we let go of the past. And look at our attachments to things. LET GO. Mold wants us to simplify our physical environment. LET GO. Mold has a purpose and is simply doing its job-it’s a recycler, the master of the compost heap. Its purpose is to turn life into death, everything dies and is reborn in the cycle of nature. We are out of balance in a culture that praises life. Mold is calling us to give more reverence for death and decay. Death is part of life. Balance. Go slow. Let go.
And if death is part of life, then grief is part of life too.
Mold forced me to move, to purge, do a huge clean out in all areas of my life-my home, my work, my inbox, my instagram feed, even my identity. It’s a reminder to let go and tune in to my inner essence. It’s also a call to connect to my very old ancient ancestors. Mold is old.
And of course this also comes with grief. As the caregivers stuffed all my things into a U-Haul box on the street in the front of our house, I felt discombobulated, disheveled, ungrounded. I felt my identity shifting as I no longer had my altar where I sit and pray. And my art was not around, no art supplies available. No medicine accessible. No desk to sit at and write.
I had to rent an office space. And frankly I’m grateful for that. I’m now part of an office share at the Boulder Healing Hub. I share the offices with many other people so I have to schedule in advance. All the spaces are beautiful and cozy, yet there is nothing that says-this is Beth’s space. You won’t see my art on the walls and even that brought me back into asking-what is my work and what is the most important thing about it? It is me and the relationship with my clients. So this mold experience is a huge humbling reframe. It is teaching me the only thing that really matters is my relationships and the inner essence of my soul. And one last fact about it-sunlight stops mold growth. So what needs to be put out in the light that is no longer needed? I leave you with that dear ones. What in your life is no longer serving you? What needs to be put out in the sunshine to stop its slow growth. Perhaps it’s negative thoughts, a limiting belief, shame?
And if you’re grieving, it carries some of the same medicine of mold-it too forces you to let go. It comes with the sting of shock. Go slow dear ones, this too shall be medicine some day. When I kept asking mold if it had a message for you about grief, all it kept saying was this-grief is penicillin.
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