New Year, Same Grief

Welcome newbies!!! Thanks for being here. I try to keep these short (1000 words) so that it’s easier to read. And this year I’d like to add videos and voice recordings-it’s when I capture what’s closest to my heart as I think about you all…

New year, same grief…

Here we are in 2021…A new calendar year, but still in the midst of a global pandemic with so much grief, and also continued government chaos, etc. 

I’m ready to turn off this reality shit show. But I can’t. This is life. It reminds me of the time when I entered into traumatic loss and oh how I wanted to awaken from the nightmare that was my life…

I’m so aware that at this time of year there’s something about starting over with a clean slate-there’s the collective energy of starting over, starting fresh. 

Yet our grief is still here, at least it is for me, so I’m curious how you’re doing.

I spoke recently about bringing grief with you into this new year. But what do I mean by that? 

Bring it with you but don’t get stuck in it. Have moments where you allow yourself to feel it and then keep it moving.  

I saw a post recently by another grief educator that stated-don’t talk about 2020, leave it behind. 

Yet, I question that, as we need to tell our stories, have it be acknowledged, seen, heard and held by the community. Only then can it be integrated, digested or composted.

So I invite you to befriend your grief. Let it come along with you. Otherwise shame may arise if we think we should be feeling differently. 

So keep your grief moving by giving it a voice, share it with others, share it here with me if you need to by replying to this blog post. Get outside and move your body if you can. Write about it, draw it. And if grief still doesn’t move, then surrender and go to bed early and hopefully you’ll feel different in the morning.

Every day is an opportunity to start anew.

So speaking of new- here’s what I’m up to this year. I’m excited to announce that as of today on the first new moon of 2021, I have a new business name and tag line! I’m no longer calling myself the Grief Freak, although she’ll forever be a part of me, she just won’t be at the “front door” to greet you.

Instead, my business name is now simply: betherlander.com!

I’m your “Grief Friend” whose passion is to help you navigate through grief to transformational joy. 

I’m so grateful for the part of me that’s the grief freak…she was inspired by the time when my life went upside down with the loss of my partner’s able body to quadriplegia because he crashed on his mountain bike. That moment in time became a marker for me; my life divided into pre-accident/post-accident.

So, I’ll forever be the grief freak. Maybe I need to get a tattoo to honor her? Ha!! Yes! I love that idea! As my soul feels forever marked by that loss and becoming that Grief Freak. Who else has gotten a tattoo to mark a major transition?

I imagine most of us will be using 2020 as a marker and we’ll be saying pre and post pandemic. I sometimes have to say it aloud still to grok it-we are living through a pandemic!

So, wondering how you all are doing these days, these days here in this new year.

There’s still so much grief to process, and so much chaos and uncertainty as we begin this new year and a new presidency. There’s so much work to do. 

One of the ways I am dealing with it is to focus more on my own nervous system-I’m learning to notice when I need to regulate. I’ve included the video I created at the beginning of the pandemic about stimulating the vagus nerve for you to watch and use.

https://youtu.be/vMaVP4JZIww 

More and more I believe that all we can do is focus on our bodies, because if we’re unregulated, then we don’t serve anyone including ourselves. 

I’m diving in deep to the body this year so that I can bring you more tips and tricks to navigate grief and loss, and the chaos that seems to be becoming more and more regular. 

I’m studying with two women, one is a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner with 19 years of grief work experience. And the other is a woman who created the Fajardo Method of Holistic Biomechanics, (how the structure of the body influences our nervous system). 

So stay tuned for more body support during these chaotic and grief filled times.

What else is new for me this year…

I’m still offering grief ritual practices online, but will only be doing them in collaboration with others. I cannot do this alone. If you’re interested in holding space with me or know someone who could, please reach out. Right now, my friend Victor Warring and I are planning to do one on January 30th.

And I’m on a mission to teach others about doing better with their grief support. 

So I’ll be offering my Tending the Tenders groups again. The first one will be January 27th. Please send this link along to others who you think could use it. 

https://p.bttr.to/3qcCDE4

Okay, I want to leave you with my voice on this recording from a recent walk to my spiral circle near me…I talk about my frustration of the circle being messed with again, which then goes into thinking about the most needed rebuild of our government, and then picking up shit with joy and caring for the community. 

Check it out here: (it’s about 3 minutes & includes some cuss words) https://soundcloud.com/user-938150041/jan-21-blog-nugget/s-FpIb1oQhCIm

And as always, Grieve well, be well. And keep it all moving-your grief & your body!

Many blessings in this new year where every day may be full of potential for a fresh start. 

Beth, your Grief Friend